A Nice Thing Someone Said

I Love When People "Get It"

Last night, I celebrated my buddy Mike Duquette, who is on the verge of becoming a dad for the first time-to twins.

Mike and I have been friends for about fifteen years, and it’s been a pleasure to watch him mature over the years. I’m 11 years older than him, and at the outset of our relationship there was very much a big brother/little brother thing happening. It’s leveled out in recent years, as the gap between 36 and 47 is much smaller (generally speaking) than the gap between 23 and 34. As one might expect from two people who have been friends for such a long time (who work in similar fields and even worked for parts of the same company for a while), there’s a fairly significant overlap between our friend groups. Of the 9 other people that showed up for this baby “shower” (not much of a shower, and it was set at a karaoke bar), there were four folks I already knew and five that I didn’t. They were all pretty cool people, and I found myself fairly deep in conversation with one interesting human in particular.

She pulled out her phone and (as we do in 2024) asked me for my IG. I popped my handle into her phone, and she studied my profile. We discussed Detoxicity a little bit, and she said something that made me feel really good. I’ll paraphrase: “I’m really glad you’re doing what you do with the podcast.” I’ve heard that a lot, and it never gets old. What she followed that with really hit me in the feels, though. “As a feminist, it’s really important to me that there is programming out there that encourages men to be better.”

I consider myself a feminist. I was raised by mostly women. I love women. I don’t think advocating for progressive masculinity and advocating for gender equality are mutually exclusive. I think that advocacy, at the heart of it, should make everyone better. When dudes figure out their shit, when they go to therapy, when they embrace vulnerability, when they’re in touch with their emotions…it helps their relationships with themselves, their partners, their children, their co-workers, regardless of gender. That’s always been the goal of the podcast. And while no one has straight out accused me of being anti-feminist or anti-woman, I’m sure it’s crossed someone’s mind because many people are simple and reductive and for some folks, desiring the emotional advancement of people that share my gender might be seen as an affront to anyone who doesn’t share my gender (much like folks think anyone who is pro-Black is anti-White).

I know people out there see the vision. I’d imagine many of you do. I’m grateful that someone articulated it, though.