/End Rant

I'm not sure where this is gonna go yet.

First off, thanks to

David Nathan: The British Ambassador of Soul

for recommending this Substack. I’ve been reading David’s writing in publications and liner notes for decades, and I can’t say enough about his book “The Soulful Divas”. I’ve owned a copy for ages and still pull it out for a re-read a couple times a year. I’m honored and pleased that he found his way to this little corner of the internet and saw enough to recommend it.

I’ve released three episodes of the pod since the last recap I did. My conversation with writer and coach Tom Gentry (Ep 195) was a really good instance of capturing a conversation that he and I have been having privately since he discovered me through my episode with Dave Holmes (more on that in a bit). Tom’s really intelligent and has plenty of learned experience. My chat with comedian/musician Greg Burmeister for Ep 196 was a bit lighter in tone (even the discussion about his near-fatal experience with heatstroke feels somewhat breezy by this podcast’s standards), and that breeziness is why I held it back for a couple of months. With things in this country being what they currently are, the time hasn’t felt right for conversations that feel lighter in tone. It took me a minute to re-listen and see the value in getting this episode out into the world. And finally, Ep 197 with podcaster and social media personality Logan Petersen covers everything from bipolar disorder to beard care. I have a lot of respect for anyone who’s willing to be open about their life experiences and use their hardships to help others.

That respect is tempered by the fact that post-release, there’s been no acknowledgment from his side of this conversation ever having taken place. I have not historically asked my guests straight-out to share their appearances, if only because podcast etiquette pretty much implies it. With few exceptions (the aforementioned Dave Holmes being most key), the bigger-name guests I’ve had almost act like they’re embarrassed about their appearances on DetoxPod and either don’t promote it or promote it in a half-ass way. Collab posts have been denied (with my two last guests and Nore Davis being recent examples) and in at least one case (Josh Gondelman), a collab post was accepted and then rejected later that same day.

I do this podcast because it feeds my soul, sure. I also do it because I like the feeling of putting something into the world that helps others. The pod also gives me a source of distraction from the other parts of my life that I am not as happy with (and also have less actual control over). I invest the time, energy and money into it that I invest in the hopes that my audience (and consequently, my message) will grow. It’s been quite difficult-especially in the last year-to book guests, which is why an increasing number of guests are making repeat appearances. That alone is frustrating. The fact that only about half the guests I do manage to book these days are willing to commit to promoting their appearances on a level beyond the bare minimum amplifies the frustration and makes me wonder whether the time, energy and money I spend on creating, editing and publishing Detoxicity is worth it.

I hate being a waffler. I’d made noises about ending the pod after episode 200 (which is quickly approaching), and then I got a renewed boost of energy. Not only was I having what I felt were impactful conversations, but I also had hope that the guests I’d booked would bring increased attention to something I felt was just kind of floundering…not for lack of quality so much as the need for fresh blood. Now I’m wondering if the end of the road is near, again.

There are periods of time in which I’m able to kinda coast on good vibes for a while and feel optimism. Those periods are invariably followed by a sequence of events that takes the wind out of my sails. Dealing with professional disappointment/frustration, romantic disappointment/frustration, financial disappointment/frustration and the fickle nature of humanity at the same time has got me feeling currently like I’m curled up into a ball on the sidewalk, getting the shit beat out of me by a crowd of people.

Now I find myself in a weird state (again) of looking around me, realizing how shitty and seemingly unchangeable some parts of my life (and other people) are, and feeling the desire to retreat back into my shell and throw everything else in the trash. I wish this cycle didn’t keep repeating itself.